On being happy.

Walking around today, I started noticing the last traces of Summer fading into the background.

I walked through a park near my house. The fields once so green now have small patches of brown grass dotting them like bad spots on an apple. A public pool sits unused. The water turning green and catching leaves that have already begun to fall.

Last night the air smelt like Halloween and clean laundry. Memories flooded my senses and filled me with content. This time of year makes me yearn for change; change and self improvement.

I never really aspired to be some high title holding professional in my life. A doctor? No thanks. A lawyer? Zzzzz. The only thing I ever wanted to be in life was happy. I wanted to strive to be happy, doing what it is in life that makes me feel most like myself. I never wanted to adhere to anothers rules or guidelines to the way I should be living. The problem with that? As an individual my views, feelings, and general tastes in life are ever evolving and ever changing. It's not easy standing on your own two feet. You come up against constant criticism, and input from others. Input that isn't always the nicest, people can be down right mean at times.

I'm a firm believer that most of the time, others don't want to see you happy. Their jealousy and envy comes out in the form of a big ole monster that gnaws away at them. Making them unable to even be the slightest bit happy for you.

From the time I was in high school I can remember the way everyone said life should play out. You graduate from high school and get into a good college. If it's not a good college you won't get very far in life. A tech school? Forget about it! That's just for lowly individuals that can't keep their grades up. There was even a bulletin board right across from the main office when I was in high school where they put down what every single senior was doing after high school. What college they were going to, and even if they weren't going to college. It was humiliating. Once you get into a good college, work hard and graduate. Do a lot of extracurricular activities to make sure you look good on paper. Graduate, meet someone nice, get married and land a good job. Pop out a bunch of kids and don't worry about that degree.

That's just about how life was supposed to play out according to adults. Newsflash. Life so very rarely plays out like that. It has taken me years to realize that everyone's life heads in the direction best suited for that individual. Or, sadly, some people stay on the path others have chosen for them and end up just being miserable all their lives.

That's not me. It's so very far from me, I want to run screaming away from even typing it out. I've quit relationships, I've quit jobs, I've even quit entire states that were making me miserable. Some times it was a short term solution, others more of a long term solution, but they all had the same goal in mind. Be Happy!

I'm finally at a place in my life where I can assess everything around me, and even reassess myself, so I know which direction I should be heading in. That's my goal for this year. Get my mini-goals in order and start focusing on the big picture. I'm happy. Now I want to start bringing other things into my life to make that happiness 20x better.

Did I ever think this was where I'd be at 26 when I was 15? Of course not! Would I change a single thing that's gotten me to this point? Absolutely not. I don't live with regrets, I use each moment as a lesson to learn and grow from. I wouldn't be me if it was any other way.