It's only the tilt of the world

Early morning, I throw on the closest pair of pants to me and a shirt. Or maybe a skirt and a tank top. Or maybe that dress I left laying on the floor the night before. I don't pay attention to my hair, or how my face looks. I rummage around looking for my flip flops, while the girls scramble around me unable to hide their excitement. They know we're going out.

I put their leashes on and 2 doggy bags in my pocket. Hoping that's all I'll need.
I put my sunglasses on, to hide my sleep drenched eyes. Hoping no one will see.

We walk around the block, in our usual path. I look down to adjust the hole that's formed on my jeans. I reminisce about how long I've had these jeans and what ever paint splatter on them means. I get lost at the red streak down my left thigh when I hear a mans voice. I look up jolted to see a face smiling at me from a bike in his driveway.

"Mister", I wanted to say, "Don't you know it's rude to interrupt a lady when she's contemplating where her life has been."

But I just smile instead. Sophia starts whining, wanting to get closer to him.

I pull them onward.

We get around the corner when I realize it feels like Autumn. It doesn't just feel like Autumn, it smells like Autumn. Every inch of my body is screaming "HOLY FUCK IT'S ALMOST AUTUMN!"

I breathe it in. I think of walking down aisles picking out pencils and what backpack I want that year. I still have my hot pink side sling of a bag from High School years passed.

I remember the weight of all my belongings getting packed into my white Mazda, and driving far from Boston with my windows down and the air sneaking into every corner of my car. I remember driving down long highways that seemed to go on for days in North Dakota, and hiding in the cool air nights of Alabama. The Gulf Shore keeping it's sand cold and glowing beneath my feet, like a secret just for me.

I hear a dog bark and remember I'm in Medford. I'm not sitting in a car driving for days, or just meeting the day in a hotel room in a town I don't know.

Autumn makes me feel alive.

I'm sitting on my back porch trying to savor that Autumn feeling. But the sun is shining so directly on me it feels as though I'm sitting on a beach with no water in sight. I've started to sweat and I feel my skin tanning. I say tanning because it's passed the point of burning. When naked, I give off the appearance of wearing a body suit, all white on the bottom, pasty, ivory even. The top? Long brown sleeves with a brown turtle neck. It's a sight, that's for sure.

I've finished my first cup of coffee, and no longer able to read the screen, or hide from the heat, I'm heading inside. To contemplate days ahead and days passed.

I want to pause this one moment. With the sound of the plane in the sky, the birds in the tree ahead of me, and the football couch barking orders in the distance. Pause it all, mix it in my coffee and drink it up.

Some days I can't savor life enough.